joi, 24 noiembrie 2016

hit and run

No. I can't. I just can't do that. I can't unfall in love with you, or unlike you or anything like that. Is it God showing me I can't have something, and put it in my face and be like: you want him? Naaah, you can't, hahahaha. Oh, gosh, I'm so screwed up. A week. It's been a week since my profile account has been totally empty, one last check-in and that was with you. And the rest, obviously. A week since I found out you have something with somebody else, a week since I planned to give up on the ideea of having you, even as a friend. I tried so hard, believe me, this week to say to my heart and my brain that I simply can't reach out to you, I can't be anything around you, I can't even have the desire to want you. Because I guess it hurts. Or it's still something bad for me. To be near you, you smell your perfume, to look into your eyes, to touch you.. It's on my face. I can see it. I know what I look like when my eyes light up when your name cames in. I know the smile on my face when I see you, or hear you. I just feel it, you know.. It's been also a month since I realised I have something for you. I looked on my older posts, saw and couldn't believe it. Am I even there in your eyes? Even a little sparkle? A shameful thought about me? Not even once? Please, say you do cause I really can't stand the ideea of not having you.. Some days you could say Im stupid, or crazy, or anything like that cause I really have something going on my brain, a bug I guess, but that.. that's beyond everything I've know by now. I don't know how to handle this.. Those looks. You're searching me, viewly speaking. It has to be. You're staring sometimes. But other times.. you just dissapear. I see you there, and suddenly you're gone. You said you were so happy today. Just because we didn't get to the class and didn't do the other one. Oh, God. You should see yourself through my eyes. You're beautiful. Believe me. You're a beautiful, strong, smart, intelligent, cute, funny, crazypants man. You're just the stereotype I'm looking for in somebody, and you check all these qualities with one single gesture. So, I'm here, you're here. I like you, you don't. At least, I'll have something to dream about tonight. Thanks, even for that. 

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