duminică, 23 august 2015

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I dont know what I am. I am so full of paradoxal things. I want what I can't get and when I get it, it seems boring. I'm craving for attention, to feel wanted. For a while, that part of me stayed hidden, cause I've been pushing that away, just to feel relaxed, peaceful, but then I realised this is not who I am, I'm not a kind, good, compasionate person. I am a free spirit, a wild one as I said once, I wanna feel everything, the good and the bad. I do things, have fun, drink, dance, play minds, stay up late, waste night, kiss strangers, be mean, smoke, be indifferent with people I shouldn't be, treat wrong the persons who want me good, fine, leave for no reason, yes I do it, I do all those things but then comes my mind that sais to me I shouldn't be doing this, that is not fair cause all the fun in the world won't matter when I put down in bed and fall asleep, there will be nobody to say "good night beautiful, can't wait to talk to you when you wake up". There won't be anybody in my mind to think about, cause I've reached out the point where I could really say I'm heartless, I'm no good. I see no goodness in myself no more, I feel miserable and I got so many regrets. I cheer myself up with things like: you got one life, you don't have time for this, you're young and beautiful and you should take advantage from this, you should do all the crazy stuff in the world cause in the end, that is what matters: all the breathless moments, all the nights you've spent dancing, feeling good, all the joy of feeling alive. Now I should be dancing and drinking and laughing, but I stopped cause I know in the morning I'll blame myself. But .. that feeling, you know that right? When you wake up and smile cause you were ssssooo stupid last night, doing all the shitty things, but those, those shitty things made you feel free, fucking good and you'll laugh so hard when you'll remember them. So no, don't you dare, young heart, to have regrets! All you have is one life to fill up with good memories and great things. The summer is not over, you still have a couple of weeks to have fun, okay?! Now you're fine! Listen to me. Smile, be glad you got this. Forget all the problems, fuck what others say, live for yourself! 

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